This past Sunday, I preached a message on the Legacy Family from Psalm 78. The heart of this message was a challenge to pursue God’s vision for the family that brings lasting impact in the family. Specifically, we looked at the power of generational multiplication of the faith. The metaphor that tied all this together was a bridge. Your home is meant to be a bridge from the heart of Christ to the heart of each member of the family.
In this post, I’d like to address two groups of people: those in the throes of parenting and those who are empty nesters. Every week I feel like there’s so much more I want to say in a message, and this week I especially want to speak to these two groups. I’ll start with the empty nesters.
Empty Nesters
It’s very much the case that some of you may feel like you’ve failed or at the very least you have things you wish you’d done differently. You did your best, but your children just aren’t following Jesus. Here are a few thoughts I’d like to offer you.
First, bring your regrets and failures to Christ. Jesus Christ is not only your king, He’s your High Priest. He is a welcoming, loving, kind, compassionate intercessor who longs to comfort and encourage the hearts of His children. Look at what the writer of Hebrews says about this:
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens—Jesus the Son of God—let us hold fast to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin. Therefore, let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in time of need.
Here’s the simple prayer I’d encourage you to pray: “Jesus, I’m disappointed with how things have turned out with my kids. I tried my best to point them to you, but right now, they just aren’t following you. I’m frustrated, hurt and just sad. Do you know what it is to feel pain and sorrow? Did you ever have people you invested in turn away from the truth?”
The truth is that Jesus was never a parent, but he absolutely knows what it was like to invest in someone only to see them walk away, even betray him. Sit with Jesus in that prayer and cry out to him. Let him comfort and encourage your heart today. Allow Jesus to minister to you in the questions you ask. Remember, He’s a loving compassionate high priest who longs to comfort and encourage His children.
Second, never stop loving and praying for your adult children. Sometimes the disappointment people feel about their adult children can lead them to distance themselves from them. It can be so painful to watch them make poor decisions that you just take a step back. Let me encourage you not to do that with your wayward adult children. Keep calling them and checking on them. Keep watching those grandkids. Lovingly encourage them in any way you can. Deep down, every son or daughter wants to know their parents love them.
A great passage to return to over and over again with your wayward child is the prodigal son. Listen to how Jesus describes the father’s response in Luke 15:20-24:
So he got up and went to his father. But while the son was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion. He ran, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight. I’m no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father told his servants, ‘Quick! Bring out the best robe and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then bring the fattened calf and slaughter it, and let’s celebrate with a feast, because this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!’ So they began to celebrate.
Keep your heart tender towards your child. Let them not just hear about their need for Jesus, let them feel that in your interactions. Stand ready with open arms like this father. And most of all, never stop praying that God touches their hearts. Pray He brings godly friends into their lives.
Parents of Kids
I spoke this past Sunday of being a bridge. I’d like to follow-up the bridge idea with a quick breakdown of how to serve as a bridge in different seasons of life. In different stages of your child’s development, there are different points of emphasis I’d encourage. Let me break down three.
Preschool Years (0-5): Authority. During the early years, you need to focus on teaching your child to respect authority. Helping them respond to your authority will prepare them to respond to God’s authority. This submission to authority also reinforces a really important truth: your child is not the king of their world. We enter the world thinking we are the sovereigns of our universe and parents, it takes hard work to confront this in your child. This is MUCH easier to do when you are much larger than they are, so it’s best not to wait.
Year ago I heard a professor say that he wanted his children to obey right away, all the way and with a happy heart. Right away means when we say to pick up your room, you do it immediately. Delayed obedience is disobedience. All the way means that you do it to the best of your ability. Children will often disobey through half-hearted effort. Finally, a happy heart means that they are submitting not just outwardly but inwardly as well.
One of the distinctions we’ve worked through over the years is breaking our child’s will but not their spirit. Breaking their will means that they do not automatically resist when asked to do something. Breaking their spirit means they become so beat down that they stop caring. This is what Paul had in mind when he said in Ephesians 6:4:
Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Childhood Years (6-12): Worldview. This is the season in which you actively shape an understanding of the world in your child. As they develop and can understand more and more abstract concepts, you are showing them how God’s truth connects to every facet of their lives. You are consistently helping them connect God's Truth to the real world.
There are four elements to any worldview: Origin, Purpose, Morality, and Destiny. First, you want your child to know that they were made by God. They are not an accident. They are uniquely and wonderfully made by God. Second, They exist to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. They don’t exist for themselves, they exist for God. Real happiness is not found in self but in God. Third, right and wrong does exist and God defines it in His word, the Bible. God’s commands are not just a list of prohibitions but a set of principles for how life works best. Finally, we want them to know that when they die they either go to heaven or hell based on their response to Jesus.
In each of these stages of development, be quick to immerse them in a fluency of the good news about Jesus. Your home should be a place where we are quick to forgive and seek reconciliation because of the forgiveness of Jesus. Your home should be a place where we learn that the only way to really live out your design is through dependence on Christ. Your home should be a place where we repent of our sin before Jesus when we fail.
One specific component of worldview discussions during these years is talking to your children about gender and sex. I would strongly encourage parents to talk with their kids about sex at some point during the 6-12 year range.
Adolescent Years (13-20ish): Identity. Most experts are seeing an extension of adolescence into the 20’s. This time of development out of childhood into adulthood is a modern phenomena but it's nevertheless real. It serves as a bridge from childhood into adulthood in which you seek to help them take ownership of their faith to a greater degree. You’re helping them metabolize and internalize the things you taught them so that they become a core part of who they are.
The goal here is that these convictions you have about Jesus become their sincerely held convictions. The key here is that they not only see Jesus as right but good. They see how the world works and they see how the way of Jesus is the path to truly flourishing.
One of the most important dimensions of their identity is developing their sense of vocational calling. God’s uniquely fashioned every person to contribute to this world through their gifts and abilities. Adolescence is the primary season in which you are helping your young adult discover what God has made them to do. I like Tim Keller’s framework for discovering calling: ability (what am I good at?), affinity (what do I like to do?), and opportunity (where are doors opening for careers?). Parents, let me encourage you not to relegate this to your school guidance counselor or just an online survey. Actively engage in conversation about your child’s calling in this season.
The progression of parenting culminates in adolescence. It’s often been said that we move from care-taker, to cop, to coach, to counselor. As you move through the adolescent years you are increasingly moving from a coach giving them more direct help to a counselor who is there when needed. One of the grave mistakes parents make is to never leave the care-taker/cop season as their child ages. The more your teen can start to take responsibility for their life before the Lord in this way, the better off they will be. Encourage that kind of responsibility by moving out of being a cop to a coach and counselor.
As we walk through this series, please don’t hesitate to reach out to our church family if you are needing help in your family. We love each of you and want nothing more than to see you thrive. Know that I and our elders are actively praying for the families of our church.
Pastor Spencer
In this post, I’d like to address two groups of people: those in the throes of parenting and those who are empty nesters. Every week I feel like there’s so much more I want to say in a message, and this week I especially want to speak to these two groups. I’ll start with the empty nesters.
Empty Nesters
It’s very much the case that some of you may feel like you’ve failed or at the very least you have things you wish you’d done differently. You did your best, but your children just aren’t following Jesus. Here are a few thoughts I’d like to offer you.
First, bring your regrets and failures to Christ. Jesus Christ is not only your king, He’s your High Priest. He is a welcoming, loving, kind, compassionate intercessor who longs to comfort and encourage the hearts of His children. Look at what the writer of Hebrews says about this:
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens—Jesus the Son of God—let us hold fast to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin. Therefore, let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in time of need.
Here’s the simple prayer I’d encourage you to pray: “Jesus, I’m disappointed with how things have turned out with my kids. I tried my best to point them to you, but right now, they just aren’t following you. I’m frustrated, hurt and just sad. Do you know what it is to feel pain and sorrow? Did you ever have people you invested in turn away from the truth?”
The truth is that Jesus was never a parent, but he absolutely knows what it was like to invest in someone only to see them walk away, even betray him. Sit with Jesus in that prayer and cry out to him. Let him comfort and encourage your heart today. Allow Jesus to minister to you in the questions you ask. Remember, He’s a loving compassionate high priest who longs to comfort and encourage His children.
Second, never stop loving and praying for your adult children. Sometimes the disappointment people feel about their adult children can lead them to distance themselves from them. It can be so painful to watch them make poor decisions that you just take a step back. Let me encourage you not to do that with your wayward adult children. Keep calling them and checking on them. Keep watching those grandkids. Lovingly encourage them in any way you can. Deep down, every son or daughter wants to know their parents love them.
A great passage to return to over and over again with your wayward child is the prodigal son. Listen to how Jesus describes the father’s response in Luke 15:20-24:
So he got up and went to his father. But while the son was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion. He ran, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight. I’m no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father told his servants, ‘Quick! Bring out the best robe and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then bring the fattened calf and slaughter it, and let’s celebrate with a feast, because this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!’ So they began to celebrate.
Keep your heart tender towards your child. Let them not just hear about their need for Jesus, let them feel that in your interactions. Stand ready with open arms like this father. And most of all, never stop praying that God touches their hearts. Pray He brings godly friends into their lives.
Parents of Kids
I spoke this past Sunday of being a bridge. I’d like to follow-up the bridge idea with a quick breakdown of how to serve as a bridge in different seasons of life. In different stages of your child’s development, there are different points of emphasis I’d encourage. Let me break down three.
Preschool Years (0-5): Authority. During the early years, you need to focus on teaching your child to respect authority. Helping them respond to your authority will prepare them to respond to God’s authority. This submission to authority also reinforces a really important truth: your child is not the king of their world. We enter the world thinking we are the sovereigns of our universe and parents, it takes hard work to confront this in your child. This is MUCH easier to do when you are much larger than they are, so it’s best not to wait.
Year ago I heard a professor say that he wanted his children to obey right away, all the way and with a happy heart. Right away means when we say to pick up your room, you do it immediately. Delayed obedience is disobedience. All the way means that you do it to the best of your ability. Children will often disobey through half-hearted effort. Finally, a happy heart means that they are submitting not just outwardly but inwardly as well.
One of the distinctions we’ve worked through over the years is breaking our child’s will but not their spirit. Breaking their will means that they do not automatically resist when asked to do something. Breaking their spirit means they become so beat down that they stop caring. This is what Paul had in mind when he said in Ephesians 6:4:
Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Childhood Years (6-12): Worldview. This is the season in which you actively shape an understanding of the world in your child. As they develop and can understand more and more abstract concepts, you are showing them how God’s truth connects to every facet of their lives. You are consistently helping them connect God's Truth to the real world.
There are four elements to any worldview: Origin, Purpose, Morality, and Destiny. First, you want your child to know that they were made by God. They are not an accident. They are uniquely and wonderfully made by God. Second, They exist to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. They don’t exist for themselves, they exist for God. Real happiness is not found in self but in God. Third, right and wrong does exist and God defines it in His word, the Bible. God’s commands are not just a list of prohibitions but a set of principles for how life works best. Finally, we want them to know that when they die they either go to heaven or hell based on their response to Jesus.
In each of these stages of development, be quick to immerse them in a fluency of the good news about Jesus. Your home should be a place where we are quick to forgive and seek reconciliation because of the forgiveness of Jesus. Your home should be a place where we learn that the only way to really live out your design is through dependence on Christ. Your home should be a place where we repent of our sin before Jesus when we fail.
One specific component of worldview discussions during these years is talking to your children about gender and sex. I would strongly encourage parents to talk with their kids about sex at some point during the 6-12 year range.
Adolescent Years (13-20ish): Identity. Most experts are seeing an extension of adolescence into the 20’s. This time of development out of childhood into adulthood is a modern phenomena but it's nevertheless real. It serves as a bridge from childhood into adulthood in which you seek to help them take ownership of their faith to a greater degree. You’re helping them metabolize and internalize the things you taught them so that they become a core part of who they are.
The goal here is that these convictions you have about Jesus become their sincerely held convictions. The key here is that they not only see Jesus as right but good. They see how the world works and they see how the way of Jesus is the path to truly flourishing.
One of the most important dimensions of their identity is developing their sense of vocational calling. God’s uniquely fashioned every person to contribute to this world through their gifts and abilities. Adolescence is the primary season in which you are helping your young adult discover what God has made them to do. I like Tim Keller’s framework for discovering calling: ability (what am I good at?), affinity (what do I like to do?), and opportunity (where are doors opening for careers?). Parents, let me encourage you not to relegate this to your school guidance counselor or just an online survey. Actively engage in conversation about your child’s calling in this season.
The progression of parenting culminates in adolescence. It’s often been said that we move from care-taker, to cop, to coach, to counselor. As you move through the adolescent years you are increasingly moving from a coach giving them more direct help to a counselor who is there when needed. One of the grave mistakes parents make is to never leave the care-taker/cop season as their child ages. The more your teen can start to take responsibility for their life before the Lord in this way, the better off they will be. Encourage that kind of responsibility by moving out of being a cop to a coach and counselor.
As we walk through this series, please don’t hesitate to reach out to our church family if you are needing help in your family. We love each of you and want nothing more than to see you thrive. Know that I and our elders are actively praying for the families of our church.
Pastor Spencer
Recent
Archive
2025
March